| I love the way they run in fright when I turn on the kitchen light. And when I squish them on the ground, they make a pleasant crunchy sound. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Cockroaches |
| You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
You Don't Love Me Any More |
| I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
You Don't Love Me Anymore |
| You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
One More Minute |
| Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
When I Was Your Age |
| I was abducted by some aliens from space who kind a looked like Jamie Farr. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Everything You Know Is Wrong |
| I love Rocky Road. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
I Love Rocky Road |
| He died a long painful death. However, you'll be happy to hear that just a few years later he was reincarnated as Shirley MacLaine. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Peter And The Wolf |
| My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much dough, he means more to me than some old Rembrandt or Van Gogh. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Velvet Elvis |
| My wife went off with Elvis. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Talk Soup |
| Velvet Elvis never puts on weight. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Velvet Elvis |
| You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
King Of Suede |
| Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
One Of Those Days |
| I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
One More Minute |
| Until you came along I never dated anyone this low on the food chain. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
I'm So Sick Of You |
| You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
You Make Me |
| I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
One More Minute |
| Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead |
| Kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I'll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe I'll go bowling. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Generic Blues |
| It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Happy Birthday |
| I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem that time that you made it with the whole hockey team. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
You Don't Love Me Any More |
| I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Generic Blues |
| I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Talk Soup |
| Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Cable T.V. |
| Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine. |
Weird Al Yankovic, |
Your Horoscope For Today |